Time Away, Afraid Without
Spending time with the kids on my own this weekend was a little bit scary, initially. Meghan went on a trip to Texas to see her best friend and her family. It was an amazing birthday gift to her, so I’m especially grateful Katie and John did this for her. Meghan’s been so busy this past fall – taking an online class, extracurriculars for the kids, and being a teacher to two Pre-K classes. Even though we had a great trip at the end of 2019, I knew getting extra time away was extremely important for her.
Now, about that scary bit. The kids and I took Meghan to the airport on Friday evening. It was sad for the kids, and I’ll admit, I was also sad. It’s the first time that Meghan was spending nights away, and as I do, I think about things. I think about how important Meghan is to our family. I’ve always understood Meghan’s value and how much love and kindness she brings to our kids. But, when she’s not there, it really felt like a void. It’s hard to explain, and maybe I’m just not putting my words together in the best way. Meghan, to me, is the foundation of our family. The kids adore her without a doubt, and it was quite evident leading up to her trip. Understandably, they would get upset at different times. Marshall and Adelaide were going to miss their momma.
Waving the Distraction Flag
For the record, I played a secret cheat code to help them cope with their momma’s absence. We took a trip to see my sister, her family, and my parents. Ding, ding, ding! Yes, there were a couple of moments when they were thinking about Meghan and sad, but this distraction was monumental. They have two cousins close in age, and they love spending time together. Also, they were awesome to introduce Adelaide and Marshall to the Wii. THEY. LOVED. IT. When my kids spend time with their cousins, or other friends, I’m okay with extended game or TV time. They’re always running around and playing together, so the extended game time is a nice break from bouncing off the walls. So, having time to relax and enjoying something new is a definite plus in my book.
On my end, I was always thinking about Meghan. Before she left and while she was away, I kept thinking about how different it is without her. It’s difficult to express my feelings on this adequately. There are moments in my brain where this fear pops up, wondering how would I do this on my own? She’s such an amazing person and it’s terrifying to imagine a life without her. I know, this is probably ridiculous to some or most people. But, this is just who I am and how my brain works. It’s hard to escape cluttered thoughts or this empty feeling during her absence. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that Meghan was given this amazing gift. Katie and John – you are both rock stars! This is just a way for me to express my appreciation for the greatest woman in the world.
Happiness Eases Everything
One thing that helped my brain cope with her absence were the pictures. Meghan would send me pictures of where she and Katie were – and she was so happy. How could that not help me feel better? It totally did. Seeing Meghan happy is something I love to see, and she was able to spend time with friends who equally adore her. I’m so grateful Meghan has had this time away. I also loved knowing that she knew the kids would be okay while she was away. I didn’t want her to worry too much, so it’s a positive feeling knowing I can provide that for her. “It will be okay. The kids will be okay.” I remember saying when she originally asked if it would be okay to take a trip like this. And, they were.
When we got home last night, and after the kids were in bed, it was eerily quiet. I’ve put the kids to bed by myself, of course, but it’s so weird when Meghan isn’t home. It’s weird not having that person to talk to or have that space occupied next to me in bed. I think it helps me further understand how important Meghan is to me. It probably goes without saying that you already know that Meghan means the world to me. I guess having her away just let me focus my thoughts on her even more. I have missed her. I can’t wait to have her back home. I’m happy that she’s happy. At the end of the day, that’s all I’ll ever hope for Meghan – her being happy.